Reflections - The long road home

 Jinja - Kampala - Entebbe

Jinja - This town always brings back many reflections and memories from my early days of trekking from the village where I was living, to the children's hospital, after my work was done at the AIDS Orphan Education organization I was volunteering with in a small village outside of Jinja. Memories of John, Kenny's brother and others escorting me to village after village caring for those sick and dying of AIDS, so many children dying...my Raymond and Lawrence.  Then there was Kenny (John's brother) crippled and suffering from sickle cell disease who was brought into my path (later Rogers emaciated and starving, crippled with TB of the spine). Rarely, in those days in the village did I see another "white person" unless I was in this town which has changed so much - muzungus and coffee shops are all over the place!  A regular urban center now comparatively; in the past I walked everywhere  in the red red dirt, in the mud- for miles (kilometers) or between matatus and bus stops. No phone. No internet, unless I went to an Internet cafe in this town. The African home I lived in had a tyrant and abusive male head of the household, typical of most African families back then. (Not much different than some things I experienced at the hands of men in America actually). Here, I even struggled at times to get enough food to eat, even if I paid for it - as there were many mouths to feed and they needed food far more than me!!  With John and the other workers, I learned to pray and pray for a better day, hope to make a way. I didn't see color, nor did they, I believe. We walked side by side doing our best to help someone in much more need than we. There was no racial divide, or even discrimination among the poor, the sick, those with AIDS, Muslims, Christians, Jews, Hindu,  etc. There was always a fear of possible danger, robbery and even violence, esp in the larger city. I learned to be careful and be street smart. Most of all, I learned to be respectful, humble and treat others no matter who they were like I would want to be treated and if made a mistake apologized. Sure, I cried - a lot. But there was always someone else way worse off than me. And this life event was not about me, not now...not ever. Never once, was I harmed or robbed in Africa, not once ( and I travelled in the war zone and very remote).  When I lost things, at times very important and expensive things at times, they were found and returned to me... Yes, my passport...money... I phone...and the list goes on. It was simple. Reap what you sow.  Help one another - there is always someone worse off than you - not necessarily by handouts - but love they neighbor as thyself. Help one another survive and work together as one. Unity.  Encourage, mentor, give hope. They would sing and praise God as I tended to the dying.  Angels among us. It was the most spiritual and beautiful experience I can ever imagine. It transformed my life. It saved me, my life... yes even from my often pathetic self - feeling sorry for me  ...for God so loved the world... I don't know how or why terrorists and rapists are formed, violence and riots occur or why the human being can inflict such horrible abuse, pain and suffering upon another human being. It happens in all countries among all peoples and all religions. No one is exempt, not America, not Africa, not the Middle East or Europe or .....noone is better than the other.  We all are born with the same hope, I believe:  to live, to love, to learn and to leave a legacy - make a difference, a better life for our children...God's children. Fear, feeling out of control, fighting for one's life in so many ways...breeds such deep profound insecurities - and a kind of survival mode - of fight one another at all cost - to somehow survive emotionally, physically, spiritually. Refugees included, especially refugees. Brokenness breeds either compassion/love or hatred. Greed or Giving. Power or Humbleness/humility.  Hard work or entitlement.  Teach or Take.  What is the turning point?  God only knows. Just maybe  extending a hand up (not a free give out) to anyone, anyone regardless of circumstance, regardless of where or how  - can heal the soul, forgive the inequities and end poverty and violence:  physical, spiritual and emotional poverty as well as violence stemmed by fear of the unknown. What are we so scared of? Hurt? Broken hearts, broken souls, broken spirits, broken bodies, broken minds ....let's heal this! 

- Ahhh, if only.... I choose compassion and love - yes, even tough love without instilling dependency. And pray this world can be healed, hope renewed. Violence ended. Poverty ended.   What will you choose? I choose to stand up and fight for peace.  Humanity. Equality. Justice. Forgiveness. Love. Even if it kills me. God is love....

Come along... Carry me along....

-  Now look who is here and who I have found!  This great and wonderful Mariel - who interned with me once upon a time. Giver and teacher of so much to women and empowerment through business and training at the Akola Project!  Thank you Beth and John, my forever family, for the warm shower, lovely bed and ease of companionship and carting me around town - to my appts - to the airport - now that is another story to come.  Just as I really feel like I don't want to go home yet - getting comfortable here and healing myself in this country.  Then the lovely Lindsay comes to visit and what a blessing she is!  So young and brave traversing this country and it's people with such amazing grace and courage even farther east in soroti. A shining star, sometimes misunderstood - pay attention - she gets it even at her young age and will make a huge difference in this world!  Kampala, the multiple stops, my multi task agenda and the airport ride was uneventful and easy and ahead of schedule ... One stop I didnt make this year was to see the Congolese refuge family I have been helping to reunite with their brother in the US for past 6 years...now that is a both tragic and beautiful story as well!  I was called by the Wyoming senators office asking if I could help a constituent - a Congolese refugee locate his family they believed was in uganda. Gods plan again. Certainly not mine! Searching nakavale refugee camp, then the Kampala refugee camp , the international Red Cross, standing in long lines at the OPM and finally a breakthrough with the UNHCR. Literally 6 years it took.  Oh shake it off, Nadine. Stop all of these memories ... All is well! All is good.  In fact too good. Clearly, far too comfortable and happy for my own good....so I guess I must be taken down a notch. And that it did...this airport experience - take me down. Not quite as bad as getting stranded in 2003 for 16 hours  without a phone or money - lost credit card ...my family not knowing where I was....but definitely a ..take me down to the tears, mush melon stage - so hot, pouring with sweat and dirt, smelly and exhausted after up for 17 hours on the move. Forced to tear open all of my tubs,  carry on suitcase and backpack etc..toss out stuff, re arrange and re pack all (Denis helped me pack it so well so as to get all things in!). "Are you picking on me", I say. They, "no, just doing our job". And so I survive it, endure it.  Get past the exit desk, stamped to leave the country. And I look down at my grubby, red stained feet and realize I forgot my shoes....still wearing my beaten flip flops with the duct tape peeling from the bottoms of my calloused cracked feet. I shake my head, realizing - saying to myself over and over as my Kenny says, "it will be fine. It will be fine." I still have my rumpled skirt on, the torn blouse.  Around my waist is tied the layers of dirty clothes i could not keep in my backpack - which was overweight with as many things stuffed in as possible.  So why don't I just pay for another checked luggage? Because i just off loaded/gifted all of my personal money in uganda, since I will be working, making more again soon. Every single time...When will I learn?! No sense in bringing any money back, right?! . Haha!  I long for that airport lounge and shower but they have delayed me so much!   Some things never change. Once a rag muffin, always a rag muffin. Deep breath...with grace and ease...not so this time - haha!   See you on the other side, my friends. Thank you angel team for carrying me along!  I am so so grateful as I needed you!  Your energy sharing and prayers have made a huge difference in these people and in this world - giving hope to one life, one valued life at a time.  Thank you from the top and bottom of my heart! God bless you!   Onward to Amsterdam. May it be uneventful!  Will I be back for more? Oh, Yes!  Till next time, Uganda... I love you!